This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize