I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
