i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Please don't give away my fajitas
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