If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
