it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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