WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
