he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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