I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
