my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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