Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Boobs speak an international language.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
