fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
