apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
