Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
