We're like a lot better than the average bears
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
