if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
