Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
