When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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