Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
