Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
