Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
