Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
