he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
