Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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