Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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