If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
