Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
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