its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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