You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
