I think scott just propositioned me for sex
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
