idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize