I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
