his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i dont even know how to be here
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I deserve this hangover.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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