o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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