It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
