Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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