i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
