Me. At least after what I've been through.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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