I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You're like the curious george of whores
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
