So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
