can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize