nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
