god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
