party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Everything about him screamed your future.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
