I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
