i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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