I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
