Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
