remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
