You're my little dorito
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
