I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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