I'll bet she douches with gravy.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
