There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
