Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
