So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
