Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
