When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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