I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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