OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize