Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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