That's when you crack a 10am beer
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize