he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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