How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
