Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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