I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
