Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
