Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Who died my cat blue again?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
