fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
